After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
