You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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