I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize