Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
