hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
