Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize