It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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