mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
