Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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