Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
