its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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