my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
