there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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