Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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