Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
pop tarts are not kleenex
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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