talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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