I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
