A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
