I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
