belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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