I hate your face
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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