It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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