I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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