I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
