dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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