So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
