I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
