She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
