I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
