last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
