put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
