I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
