Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
