I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
