i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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