when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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