so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
