Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize