I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
