You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
