I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
