I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My cat gives me a boner
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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