So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
