oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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