dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
