we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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