I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
