This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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