So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
