You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
