May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
