all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
