Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
