Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
