the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize