Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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