Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
