Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
