Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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