Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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