your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Jerry, you need to find god
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
