i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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