he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need a beard to bite.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
