i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
