she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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