i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Randomize
