There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
