So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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