her vagine was all disorganized.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
