The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
