Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He shit in the fireplace
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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