No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
