if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
