i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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