if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
her vagine was all disorganized.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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