Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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