I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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