we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
