I wish I could punch you in the face.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
