So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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