If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
