i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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